Return of the Christ

New Flower of the Dawn
Reclaiming a Life of Joy
Living My Soul’s Desire
Lighting up Cornwall
Road to Freedom
Darcelle's Story
Portal of Peace
Personal Empowerment
Healing an Ancient Wound
New Birth in Bethlehem
The Garden of Eden
Buddhist Japan
The Return of the Goddess
The Call to Awaken
Uluru Gathering
Connection with the Rock
Journey Home
Grace & God’s Firewood
Transformation in Bali
Life in Costa Rica

Road to Freedom

Walking towards the LightI have attended a few Sessions since I first came to Abdy; two will always remain in my mind.

The first one was in August 2003. I was already familiar with energy work, but I was just not prepared for what was about to follow. As the Session began, Abdy picked a lady who started crying and sobbing in a frantic manner as she slid down onto the floor, and, oh my God, did that scare me! What was all that about? I certainly did not want to have to go through that, at least not in front of all those people. My first instinct was to get up and ‘run for my life’, but somehow I was pinned to my chair.

Anyway, my turn finally came and to my relief nothing happened … until I got home.

I broke down completely (at my age!), and it is not easy to explain in what way it was different from other upsets, all I can say is that it was as if my spirit was vomiting, and the more it did, the more it wanted to. My face and hands were numb, I could not breathe properly… I had to take the following day off work, and then, something similar in a more moderate way occurred again, and a friend who was present at the time suggested that I was maybe suffering from an asthma attack. Suffice to say, I do not suffer from asthma.

After this Session and the Sessions that followed, I started developing a sense of centeredness and confidence. I was calmer and events around me were affecting me less and less. I was becoming more tolerant to the intolerant, and therefore, a less vulnerable and stronger person.

The other not-to-be-forgotten Session was in November 2003 - the day my heart exploded!

It was a cold day; people were putting coats over those who were lying down. I could sense something even more powerful this time. Even Abdy kept leaving the room as if to breathe?

Before commencing, Abdy spoke to us, as he sometimes does, and among other things he said, “It is not about you, it is not about me, it is about all of us.”

Simple, isn’t it?

When I finally ‘went down’, after a while, I started my cry (very, very discreetly this time), the energy pushing my emotions up and up, and I was trying to push them down and down, but I did not succeed, because they were overflowing my eyes with tears, which I remember, kept very uncomfortably rolling down into my ears! My chest started feeling horrendously oppressed and anguish was growing within me. And it got to a point when it became physically painful, and at that point I thought, “that’s it! I cannot take this anymore! I don’t have to!” And as the energy kept pushing up, I inadvertently found myself commanding, “I refuse to hurt anymore, you come out, NOW!” And at the NOW, the most extraordinary thing happened: like a bottle of champagne being opened, a plug shot off my heart, up in the air, turned into a golden dust and cascaded down on me, like a beautiful fountain….

My tears kept rolling down. No anguish now… just a continuous flow of energy, emptying the rest of the ‘vessel’ of any further staleness.

As I was being ‘emptied’, those words jumped into my mind, “It is not about you, it is not about me, it is about all of us”, and they were now playing in my head, like a mantra being chanted over and over again. And as this mantra was being chanted, I slowly started becoming aware of my smallness amidst Creation - God’s Creation, and God’s Creation was so vast, that my worries appeared so small, and I was so insignificant. And it so very happened that this Vastness started taking me over and I was taking over IT, blending and dissolving one into the other, until I disappeared....

...But I was still there - I was now part of everything and everything was part of me, we were no different one from the other. I was still small, but I was big too, because here, the concepts of big and small did not exist. And how can I put this Beauty into words? Words are so limited. The fiercest of my enemies could have turned up in that moment and I would have felt for them nothing but an immense Love, a Love I had never experienced before. I even realised that in spite of not ‘existing’ anymore, I actually loved myself too, and loving myself and loving others was no different either. Perhaps, because I was not myself anymore, I was All of Us.

Nothing mattered anymore, nothing. Everything was just FINE, so FINE.

I then saw a coat of feathers - the softest white feathers - stroking my energy field from head to toe, again and again, soft, but firm. What was happening? Was I experiencing some kind of ‘energy makeover’?

And those words kept playing in my mind, “It is not about you, it is not about me, it is about all of us”; they were infusing me with such comfort, I could not stop saying them. Every time I pronounced them I was becoming a bit lighter, blending even more with the WHOLE. After repeating my little mantra for a while, a very frail looking flower appeared on my chest. Frail, but growing on safe grounds. So safe and protected that, were the world outside to collapse, not the slightest disturbance would have been able to penetrate this shielded space. It had four white delicate petals and it was very slowly opening, and every time I pronounced my magic words, the beautiful flower opened a fraction wider, like a new baby being born.

So, was this the secret to Happiness? Was this what they call surrender?

What followed after that was rather interesting. For weeks I kept seeing flashes of Light, even when I closed my eyes. Mentally, I was finding it very difficult to deal with reality. Having seen the ‘other side’, the world as I knew it had become so tedious! I was not interested in anything, going to work became a torture, I had no wish to be around my friends.... All I wanted to do, was to close my eyes ... and just be.

During the next few months, my life changed completely - not without its challenges. I had been provided with some tools, and now I had to prove I could use them. As I was learning to deal with my new ‘situation’, I was becoming aware of a strength and a clarity I had never known before. Old fears were being thrown onto my face and one by one I defeated, just by staying centred in my heart. I was also given the opportunity to show compassion in situations where I would not have forgiven before. Sadly, we grow up to believe that feelings such as compassion and forgiveness are a sign of weakness, but the truth is, the weak will always surrender to their lowest emotions and hold resentment - the weak are unable to forgive. The strong are able to let go in any situation. And when you are able to display such strength, the satisfaction and pleasure you experience, is in itself a reward – the only reward you need.

My process afterwards was huge. The Ego/Higher Self dissociation process that I had already started, exploded. It moved from understanding to knowing. And just before I went on a long trip, as a reminder from Life, someone said to me, “And remember, if you ever get upset, it is not you, it is your Ego.” Ah! Something suddenly clicked, becoming even clearer now, like a veil being removed from my eyes.... All this time, it had not been me, it had been my Ego. So, I was innocent, my Ego was guilty!

Every single action counted, whether I was experiencing sadness or happiness, whether I was feeling flattered, whether I felt I had been let down or whether I allowed the little angry man from the corner shop irritate me…. None of those were real, everything was a reaction of my Ego. Even when I was doing good, was it really me? Was it coming from my heart or was it my Ego looking for self-satisfaction? I looked at myself and realised that I had lived my life allowing these leeches to suck up my energy and sanity. I just had to learn to identify them and pull them out.

What a revelation: Highway to Freedom!

All that was left for me to do now, was to put my foot down on the accelerator. It had been this simple all this time….

When I was younger, I used to say that life was easy, but we humans have made it very complicated. Now I realise that I was not fully aware of what I was really saying then. Or perhaps, as I ventured into life I got ‘distracted’ and forgot all about my belief, and allowed myself to fall into the very same trap that I had identified as such.

An illuminated was once asked, what enlightenment was all about and she replied,

It is your very own nature,
but you overlook it; it is the easiest.

Now in January 2010 as I revisit this account of events and look back on my journey ever since, I cannot hide a furtive smile: the turns that life has taken over these years, the opportunities I have been graced with that seemed impossible, battles I never thought I could fight and actually win. Above all, an invincible power to take my life forward and be able to fearlessly stand up for what I rightly or wrongly believe to be Truth, and the blessing of being able to lovingly say

I AM - therefore I CAN.



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